Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Charmed - The Bare Witch Project 

Let me guess - they blew their budget on the horrifyingly bad CGI arms from last week, so they have no money left to pay the child actors actually to appear in their scenes. How else to explain the perpetual shrouding of these tiny tikes?

How on earth would those "repressed" cafe patrons even have known Piper had an infant with her, let alone be grossed out by her breast feeding him? They must simply be grossed out by the concept itself, because there's no way in hell they saw him. She looked like she was simply wearing a very bad shawl-sling-combo, perhaps being utilized to disguise the invisible, nonexistant cast on her arm. There was a baby under that thing? They should have reported her for attempted smothering, not for public feeding.

Then when Piper and Phoebe returned home with the kids in the double stroller, why on earth did they have both seats completely covered with the blankets? And then they just left them parked in the hallway like that? How about some air, people!!!! And Wyatt is certainly mobile at this point (when they're not tranquilizing him, which I think they do heavily judging by the way the kid just sits there and gapes open mouthed regardless of what else is going on), so what do they think will happen when he wakes up and decides to climb out of his cloth prison? That's right - the whole thing is going to tip over and crash to the floor, right along with two-month old Chris. Yeah, that's a healthy situation.

But back to the breast-feeding scenario. They're in the outdoor section of a cafe in San Francisco, which even the script admits has an ordinance which allows for breast-feeding in public, Piper is being discreet to a fault (see above), and the other patrons (all two of them) are sitting many, many feet away. And they're in SAN FRANCISCO for god's sake! We're supposed to believe that those other patrons (who were young yuppie types seemingly on a date) were actually going to be paying attention to them, and then be offended enough to complain to the owner, and that the owner would actually be that rude and condescending while flouting the law, and would simply rely on his "right to refuse service" sign as justification? Good thing they weren't holding hands, even for the briefest of moments. They might have been mistaken as a lesbian couple, out with their little imitation family, imposing themselves and their twisted values on all the innocent heterosexual bystanders. And you know THAT wouldn't have flown in San Francisco.

Oh, right, this is The WB. They needed some excuse to have Alyssa Milano ride a horse bareback, even for the briefest of appearances, so they could then use it in their promos to rope in the hetero male viewers. Even though Phoebe's little protest didn't actually make sense. It might have been simpler to call City Hall and report the owner's actions. And the speech itself? I think that if the owner preferred that women be barefoot and pregnant, he would have lauded the breast-feeding as a demonstration of the proper behavior of women - caring for the children, not out working. He certainly wouldn't have deferred to the preference of the other childless patrons. But they do have me wondering what Les is about to type after witnessing the incident. From across the street several stories up, where he couldn't hear a thing but clearly recognized Phoebe even though she was naked, on horseback and sporting long, straight blonde hair. Uh-huh.

In other stories, the trend towards better guest stars (hopefully) commences, with Maury Sterling as Lord Dyson and John de Lancie (YAY! I had no idea he was going to be on) as the Elder in charge of negotiating with Paige about the magic school. My theory is that he's really Q, who has the rest of the Elders convinced that he's one of them and is just along to test humanity and witches. Or perhaps he's testing the audience, to see how long we'll keep watching! Hey, keep him on, add Charisma Carpenter, and you'll get at least another season out of me. And hire Jane Espenson - I hear she's got some free time coming up!

Paige fights to keep the school open for the good of the kids, who then promptly start being all kinds of disruptive and aggressive, and one of them conjures up Lady Godiva and the evil demon Lord Dyson, who feeds on repression. Hijinks ensue, they send her back but screw it up so that she doesn't finish her ride and the world becomes a giant repressed state in which women have no rights and aren't allowed to speak in public. Of course, it seems to me that after Lord Dyson feeds on a person's repressions, they are freed from them. So why would the whole world be repressed after a thousand years of this? I can see that he would be encouraging the repression in order to guarantee himself a constant food source, but doesn't his act of feeding then free that person? Isn't that a bit of a self-defeating design?

Oh, never mind. They bring her back again, vanquish Dyson by overdosing him with all Leo's repressed anger, send her back and all is right with the world. Plus Paige recruited the troubled youth who conjured her in the first place, he sends her back and increases his self-esteem and altruistic tendencies, the Elders okay the school remaining open, and put Paige in charge. And she's surprised that they put her in charge. Why is she surprised? We all saw that coming.

Leo is being cold-shouldered by the other Elders, who won't let him come into the Elder House in case he freaks out and starts flaming them all. They don't know for sure about the one he killed last week, but they have their suspicions. But now he's all unrepressed and has let go of the anger, so I'm not sure how this is going to play out. In some stupid, nonsensical and totally forced manner, no doubt.

Oh yeah, and they mentioned P3. It's still open. Let the guest bands begin. Maybe Phoebe will establish a special breast-feeding area.

The disembodied transparent head thingy is still flying around disturbing Leo. The elders still sense yet another looming threat greater than any they've ever known before. Blah, blah, blah.

But Charisma Carpenter starts her guest appearances next week!!!! Plus Grams and Mom will be making appearances! Yay!!! But sadly, Nick Lachey will also be there, and John de Lancie will not. Why, why?

Posted by Beth Henderson at 10:30 AM