Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Charmed - A Call to Arms 

Leo's conflicted and tormented, Phoebe is having work/personal life issues and makes out with a guy she just met, Paige seeks a new hobby, Piper is having motherhood/Charmed One issues, and Darryl looks like a big doofus. Yep, same old same old.

And dear god WHY did they have to bring Barbas back? Billy Drago just makes my skin crawl. Uck - this character is just so slimey and smarmy, and I just don't buy his all-powerful manipulating abilities. If he could be that effective over Charmed Ones and Elders, wouldn't he have pretty much taken over the world by now?

What's new?

-Phoebe is adjusting her work schedule in order to clear her head and redefine her priorities. No, she sort of did that when she went off to Hong Kong.

-There's going to be an ongoing storyline involving the non-Hogwart's magic school. No, that's what dragged us down last season.

-Two of our heroes were transformed into gods! No, they've definitely done that one before.

-The fate of the world depends on the copulating activities of Leo and Piper! Done way more times than my stomach can handle.

-Paige will be throwing herself wholely and completely into her new mission. Right, like she's ever understood the meaning of "moderation."

-Darryl is torn between his loyalty to the Halliwells and the pressures put on him by his job and his new partner who is determined to expose them for... something. She doesn't know what, but she KNOWS they're up to SOMETHING!!! So done.

-Phoebe is attracted to a guy she met through work. Yeah, right, that's new. Gag.

So what really is new? Yes, I think there were one or two things we can count as new as long as we don't dwell on it for any length of time.

-Gideon is out of the picture. I have hope for the school storyline, since Gideon was the one thing that really bugged me about it. The new story is: Gideon was the only one who could keep the elders from closing it, now he's gone so we're giving up, but Paige is now going to lead the fight, blah blah blah. She feels strongly that they need the school to teach the next generation, because otherwise they'll have to learn magic from the precocious and possibly evil kid on the playground, and you know how well that always works out. Then again, none of the Halliwells had a school in which to learn their craft, and they're doing pretty well. No, wait. They're royally screwed up. Okay - Go Paige!

-No mention of P3. At all. By anyone. Piper apparently hasn't left the house in the two months since Little Chris was born, Paige has been almost as entirely cooped up, and Phoebe has been totally focused on her advice column.

-Piper with six arms. The CGI was uneven here. Sometimes it was cool, sometimes the arms were rather transparent. Literally. Like ghost arms. But it worked well for her, since she finally had enough hands to multitask efficiently like she's always wanted. Seriously, I think she was overexposed to the Enjoli commercial when she was a child.

-Piper's gutteral voice when she told Barbas "No!" Where the hell did that come from? I had to Tivo instant replay it a couple of times. Was this just some oddity of sound recording, or was the animalistic, borderline demonic (think Exorcist) tone foretelling of something?

-Leo killed an elder. And Piper is planning on keeping it a secret from the rest of the magical world. And Leo seems to be going along with the plan. Now this is new - a chink in the armor of righteousness. I LIKE IT!

Now move it along and bring on Charisma Carpenter!

Next week: Phoebe is transformed into Lady Godiva. Yes, that means she'll be naked. Yes, this is still The WB.

Posted by Beth Henderson at 8:28 AM