Monday, November 29, 2004

Attack of the Wild Boor 

The Boor is holding court once more in the student lounge. This guy is the epitome of the saying about someone being like a car wreck - it's horrifying but you just have to keep watching. Or listening, in this case. And there's no tuning him out - he consumes all the air in any room.

This particular Boor has it all - booming voice, corner bar mannerisms, and complete confidence that he has the answers to any question anyone might possibly have. He is able to go on, and on, and on about topics ranging from the MPRE to Thanksgiving invitation etiquette to law school administration to the wisdom of alcohol at weddings. I've actually been blessed to hear his take on alcohol at weddings more than once - including this evening.

He's all for it. In fact, he can't understand and has no respect for anyone who fails to provide it. Cash bars are perfectly acceptable, but lack of alcohol is not, according to The Boor. One of his court jesters this evening actually had the temerity to inquire why lack of alcohol is "the worst thing," as The Boor had just proclaimed. Others suggested that perhaps the wedding party or their families had religious or other strictures against alcohol, or perhaps it's just too expensive, or they don't want people getting drunk and driving. He would have none of this.

If it's expensive - "they should have a cash bar."
If it's "a Mormon wedding, no one says that they have to drink."
If "you're a recovering alcoholic and you can't be in the same ROOM with alcohol? You've got a real problem."

But he has no problem despite his statement that alcohol is the only thing that can get him through a wedding, and he evaluates weddings based on the quantity of booze provided.

At another point this evening one of the Jesters talked about her high school reunion from this past weekend. She was telling the tale of some woman who "was really hot, I guess, but apparently is dumb as stones..."

The Boor cut her off at the knees at this point by interjecting (loudly, of course), "So? You say that like it's a bad thing." He then refused to yield the floor to allow her to finish telling her story.

And just in case you're thinking of inviting The Boor to your house for an event, don't even think of asking him to bring something. That is unacceptable. If he decides to ask you if he might bring something, then you may suggest that perhaps he could pick up some cookies from the grocery store.

Thus spake the Boor.

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Posted by Beth Henderson at 4:55 PM