Tuesday, February 01, 2005

More Worlds Colliding 

The Girl and I are getting married in July. Yes, we live in Massachusetts, so we will be legally married. Life has now taken many odd turns. Think all that bridal stuff is for the straight girls only? Ha. No one is immune.

We each have an engagement ring, and let me tell you - it's like instant entree into the Girls' Club. Large meetings at work have ground to an instant halt once one woman gets a glimpse of the finger bling. Conversation devolves into talk of wedding date, honeymoon destinations, catering plans, attire, and other details. Everyone knows I'm gay - doesn't matter. All that matters is that there is A WEDDING TO DISCUSS!!!!! I'm reminded of Debbie Reynolds in In & Out. Her one concern when the rumors fly about whether her engaged son (Kevin Kline, engaged to Joan Cusack) is actually gay, is whether the wedding is still on. "I need that wedding. I need some beauty and some music and some placecards before I die. It's like heroin."

My sister in Pennsylvania has taken on the job of wedding planner, and spent the weekend up here in cold New England for an intensive Bridezilla Planning Weekend. My world has now become filled with catering menus, the comparative attributes of gowns vs. flowy pants, color schemes, linen napkins, invitation designs, song lists, vows (I'm still trying to work in some of the vows from Worf and Jadzia's wedding) and halter vs. strapless. We approved the design for the wedding bands, which my sister is making (she's been studying jewelry making, and will be making them under her teacher's watchful eye). Here's the photoshopped approximation:

I myself walked voluntarily into David's Bridal after lunch with Not a Freak yesterday, just to check out their big sale and to look into a fitting appointment for The Girl. When we first went in, it was all Not a Freak could do to restrain herself from announcing to the sales associate that I was in need of a dress for the prom, and that I would be attending with the captain of the football team. She can laugh - she and her (now) wife went with the less-involved private ceremony shortly after May 17 of last year. But the sales associate was quite helpful, and wasn't fazed when I said that there are two brides, and that the other one needed to come in and try things on. She took the much more wise business approach and moved right into working me over as to what I would be wearing. From her point of view, two brides just means twice the profit potential. God bless the free market system.

Before class last evening, I caught up a few of my friends on the details of the weekend. Within moments and with no prompting from me, two of them were each online researching for bargains on linen napkins as an alternative to renting. It really is like heroin!

Sunday morning The Girl went off to the grocery store to pick up some blueberries (for pancakes) and orange juice for brunch with my parents. She came back with six bags of groceries, one of which contained the 810 page tome that is Bride's Magazine. Here's the link to the very issue she brought home. Note the lower left article title: "Clueless About Color?" That one was written just for me. I shrieked in fear when she pulled it from the bag, but my sister assured me that it was inevitable.

But the final blow came in the middle of last night, when I awoke from a dream that somehow combined wedding planning, law school, exercise and Star Trek: Deep Space 9.

The transformation is complete. Resistance is futile. I am a bride.

Posted by Beth Henderson at 8:32 AM