Monday, March 21, 2005

The L Word - Labyrinth 

This week's episode contained the best scene of the series: Dana and Alice give in to temptation big time, with Finally playing in the background on the soundtrack. The Big Give In scene takes place at Dana's place, while Dana and Alice are preparing the guest gift bags for the upcoming bachelorette party. Exactly how long were Evil Tony and her Trashy Parents expected to be out, because baby, these two took it ALL over the house! This had to be the best, most funny, hottest, goofiest and longest sex scene of the series. We played it a couple of times on the Tivo. Unfortunately, it finally came to a close with the sounds of ET and TP's return, and everything went rapidly back into hiding.

The Big Give In scene was preceded by a brief but well-done scene in which Alice and Evil Tonya held a multi-layered debate on the relative virtues of chocolate penis pops vs. chocolate breast pops and which were more to Alice's likings. Dana finally intervened and escorted them out of the store.

The Big Give In scene was followed by the tearing asunder of Alice's heart at the bachelorette party, held at Planet Kit. First Dana's mom (who later seemed to be quite over her internalized homophobic avoidance of semi-naked women, judging by her enjoyment of the lap dance she received) gave a toast in which she gave her complete blessing to the Doomed Pairing of Dana and Evil Tonya, then by Evil Tonya forcing Alice to give her own toast to the Doomed Couple. My heart joined in the sundering when Alice's toast turned out to be an awkward but heartfelt testimony of how we don't appreciate people until they're no longer there, and she ended by declaring to Dana that "I love you." And we all know she didn't mean in the best friend kind of way.

Dana - come clean. Dump Evil Tonya and send her packing with her gold digging ways, declare your undying love to Alice and live openly and happily in life long bliss. What - too much to ask?

Of course Shane, seer of all things sexual, knew immediately upon Alice's entrance that The Big Give In had taken place. Alice tried to deny, but gave it up after about a millisecond.

In other scenes of torture, we have Bette. See Tina move into the guest room of the House of Desolation. See Bette glow. Happy Bette = Hot Bette. See Bette continue her controlling and manipulative habits. See Tina bristle. See Bette's Peabody funding terminated. See Tina get the largest Peabody grant of them all. See Bette make everything about herself. See Bette lash out. Angry, vindictive Bette = Very Unhot Bette.

See Helena Peabody arrive at Tina's Center for publicity. See Tina and Helena bat around some sparks. See Helena see what Bette has thus far been blind about. See Bette arrive to apologize. See Bette go ballistic and territorial. See Helena spill the beans about Tina's "weight gain." See Bette seek Shane for some girl talk, but end up bonding with Jenny. Turns out Jenny figured out the preggers situation, and doesn't understand how Bette could not have. See Bette admit what we all knew: "Because I'm the biggest, most blind asshole in the entire universe." Thank you, Bette. Now do something about that, would you?

See Tina cap it all off by bringing Helena to the bachelorette party, very much as her date. See Bette attempt to give a toast that will simultaneously plead her case to Tina. See Bette pretty much come off as the same wallowing self-pityer that she's been all season. "I wish that you spare each other pain, but if you fail, I wish you forgiveness."

Bette also briefly meets Charles Dutton, who apparently has helped Kit get way ahead in the business world. She's operating in the black and has paid off her loans in advance for the next several months. He tries to lure Bette into his TOE world, but she seems to know a big fake when she looks in the mirror. I mean, when she sees one.

In other news, Jenny's new Shane cut is pretty good. It's better when it's not unkempt, but still okay. She's enjoying her new status as a cruise object among lesbians on the street. Sadly, the camera still managed to find her seated thoughtfully at her desk, at which point The Girl and I both screamed, "Oh no! Not the writing scene!!!" Her carnival story is now titled "Monstrosity," which aptly describes any and all of Jenny's writing scenes. Everyone in her fantasy has a piggy face, and they all look on her "normal" face with a mix of fear, pity and disgust. Whatever. Oh, and she has long blonde hair in the fantasy.

We have a secondary story involving Shane's new job as Camryn Manheim's new semi-assistant. Camryn is totally disrespectful in how she talks to and physically handles Shane, but it's very funny. Today's task is for Shane to accompany Camryn on her quest to get the rights to the life story of a Russian former prostitute who stood up to the Russian mob and lived to tell the tale. Shane reluctantly bonds with her over own days of tricking in disguise as a boy (but she leaves out the gender specifics) in LA, and over hair styling. Russian emigree also wants to learn the fine art of hair styling, and gets Camryn (off camera) to write in a clause that she gets to assist Shane as part of the rights deal. Shane is not pleased.

Shane is still desperately trying to push Carmen and Jenny together, despite Carmen's admonition, "Don't try to hook me up." It's so clear that she's afraid of the knowledge that she will fall hard for Carmen if she lets her in, and perhaps already has fallen, and is hoping to move Carmen into the unavailable category by pairing her off with Jenny. At the bachelorette party Shane gives Jenny some tips on breaking the ice with Carmen (again), and the last we see Jenny and Carmen are dancing, while Shane takes some nameless hotty home to Casa di Heartbreakers.

Which brings me to the disgusto portion of the show. Filmmaker Mark and his sidekick Gruesome. Turns out Gruesome's day job is as a security guard, and he has a habit of recording and taking with him any X-rated footage the building's cameras happen to catch. This unfortunately also returned us to the world of gratuitous heterosex as the episode opener. Come on - you can get that stuff anywhere. Keep it off this show!!! At any rate, Mark has indeed decided that his new project will involve interviewing Shane and Jenny about their lives as lesbians. They initially scold him, then agree to a test interview, then end up walking out on him when he tries to goad them into an explicit explanation of how "fucking" is possible with two women. With Gruesome's encouragement, Mark decides to change his approach, and he plants 9 hidden cameras in Casa di Heartbreakers, including in the bedrooms.

Episode ends with Mark watching live action Shane demonstrating with her nameless hotty exactly what she meant about technique. Mark makes various revolting comments and gestures, and the episode closes with (hopefully) much of the viewing audience completely grossed out and holding on to the hope of the future episode in which Shane discovers Mark's slimeball actions and recruits the entire rest of the cast to inflict some form of ultimate humilation and ostracizing of this total asshole. And then boots him from the studio with no refund of his six months' advance rent payment or security deposit.

Posted by Beth Henderson at 1:35 PM