Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The L Word - Luminous 

This was a strange episode, full of things that were just odd.

The precredits opening had an odd Jenny writing scene to it, so The Girl and I immediately screamed, "Oh no - not the writing scene!!!!" But it didn't seem quite like Jenny's writing. It was more freakish and annoying, if you can believe it, and featured Hunter and Sandra Bernhard walking around the vicinity of the Moulin Rouge in search of just the right prostitute to share, until they finally settle on the Jenny hooker. It was odd, trust me.

We waited a few minutes before watching it so we could Tivo forward through the opening song. Ah, much better.

Camryn Manheim totally freaks out, throws decor around her office and terrorizes all of her staff, except Shane, who she asks to teach her how to not need anything from anyone. Instead of then buckling down to learn, Camryn then proceeds to drag Shane around town while Camryn gets a very painful chemical peel of some sort, then back to her mansion where she orders Shane to get in bed with her and watch movies. After Shane politely extends her regrets, Camryn freaks out again and goes totally over the top, screaming that since she pays Shane she basically owns her ass and all her other body parts, and that Shane must do what Camryn says. Kind of defeats the entire reason she hired Shane in the first place, doesn't it? But good for Shane for getting the hell out of Dodge Mansion and over to Planet Kit.

Alice and Dana have decided to out their relationship to all their friends, so they invite everyone to meet them at Planet Kit. Of course when they arrive they get a big ole spotlight pointed at them while Carmen announces the arrival of the new happy couple and proceeds to play a hooked up version of Love Story for them to dance to. Everyone applauds and then the dance floor fills. Guess the secret got out somehow. This wasn't a strange storyline, but was kind of cute and involved several goofy Dana-Alice makeout scenes over the course of the day.

In continuing odd storylines, Jenny and Carmen are all over each other at the DJ station, despite the fact that Carmen's got it bad for Shane and Shane's got it bad for Carmen, but Shane's afraid of getting hurt by other people so she hurts herself instead, blah, blah, blah. Eventually we see Jenny and Carmen in La Cucina di Casa di Heartbreakers, and they're finally just going for it by the fridge, when Shane and a pair of scantily clad identical twins come in to forage for beverages, then return to Shane's room. Jenny astutely observes, "What the hell was that?" to which Carmen wisely responds, "I don't think I want to know." But the damage is done, Carmen is reminded of where her true love lies (and with whom), and heads out. Jenny pouts. We see Creepy Mark cyberpeeping on Shane, and see Shane not playing with the twins but instead indulging in the Oxycontin she got from Camryn.

Next day, Jenny is in her all too pink and pretty bedroom when Carmen arrives to talk things over. What follows is incredibly odd and involves Carmen suddenly stripping off her shirt, Jenny following suit and stretching out on the bed with no emotion visible. Carmen takes top and they proceed to slap each other's arms a few times while exchanging meaningful looks, then Carmen rests her head on Jenny's shoulder and they appear to settle in for a nap. WTF was that all about?

After a while, Jenny leaves, but Carmen pauses in the living room to sort of scold Shane, in a sort of effective but sort of incredibly vague and noncommittal way, but it ends with a clear message. Shane's crashed on the couch, and Carmen tells her that she's been getting away with this shit for way too long because people really care about her, but if she doesn't wise up, "we simple folk" are going to stop kissing her ass eventually. Exit Carmen, focus on Shane's tormented face.

Time passes.

Mark gets a call from someone in distress, and he heads to Venice Beach to rescue Shane, who is in the midst of getting the shit kicked out of her by the two bouncers whose requests to leave she was actively resisting.

Helena and Tina are still seeing each other, but Tina freaks when the two kids come bounding in on their naked love bed. Helena doesn't think it's any big deal. I'm with Tina. Later, when everyone is fully clothed and the kids are playing with arts supplies, Helena coaxes Tina into a little action on the balcony. Bad timing, since Helena's ex walks in (out?) on them. Turns out Helena doesn't adhere to the court ordered visitation schedules, and the ex has come to retrieve the kiddies. And to heave quite a bit of bile on anyone in sight. Later Helena talks to Tina about how hard it is asserting her parental rights over one co-adopted child and one child that her ex gave birth to. Tina ponders meaningfully.

In an amusing storyline, Bette hits on a young artist by inviting her to Planet Kit, but discovers that the artist has an equally young girlfriend, so Bette invites them both along. Bette's expression was priceless. She clearly expected to work her powerful Hollywood lesbian magic on the sweet young thing, but got slapped down in no uncertain terms. Later at Planet Kit, however, the more mature crowd has decided that it's time to start making the moves on the newly available powerful Hollywood lesbian, and Bette receives an ongoing series of offers. She only has eyes for Tina, who joins her at the table. Later Bette goes home and hears Tina's voicemail agreeing that they are both the mothers of the baby-to-be, and the Magical Bette Glow lights up once more.

In news I'd rather forget, Kit's still hot for Charles Dutton, and he's sending her huge pretentious bouquets. That's enough of that story.

Oh, and the opening writing segment turned out to be an assignment written by Hunter. Sandra praises him, but Jenny shreds him while glorifying woman to woman orgasms. In class. After class Sandra tells her it was uncalled for and basically acknowledges that Hunter doesn't have as much potential so she doesn't push him as hard, then hooks Jenny up with a ghost writing job, since she's the most promising student in the class. We got to see one of Jenny's mini-stories as well, and it actually was a lot better. Maybe because it was in contrast to Hunter's piece of schlock.

Next week: Shane blames Carmen for her bouncer beating (that's just so wrong), Shane turns to the church and the confessional for solace (!), Helena's ex tries to enlist Bette in her battle against Helena, and Lara and Gabby reappear - as a couple (that's just so incredibly wrong).

Posted by Beth Henderson at 2:43 PM